7 Foundations of a Healthy Marriage Pt3
Communication B
Sunday, August 25, 2019
- 7 Foundations of a Healthy Marriage
A.7 Foundations of a Healthy Marriage
1.Security and trust in marriage are the result of a shared commitment and shared understanding of the marriage relationship.
a.Security is…
~The assurance that my spouse will love and value me for a life time.
~A knowing and constant awareness that whatever problems we face, with God’s help we will overcome.
b.Trust enables a husband and wife to enjoy a relationship characterized by openness and transparency, with NO SECRETS or locked rooms, passwords, accounts that are kept off limits to each other.
B.Communication
1.Four elements in effective communication.
a.Talking, Listening, Feedback, & Honesty
C.Talking (1 Cor. 13:11 NIV) talking requires maturity
1.Talking is expressing or exchanging ideas, thoughts and feelings by means of spoken words.
2.Tone, Tenor, Timing & Texture
a.Tone – the way it’s said
b.Tenor – what is said
c.Timing – when it’s said
d.Texture – the body language
3.Date night – freedom in casual conversations makes it easier to have crucial conversations.
D.Listening (Jas. 1:19 NIV) quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry.
1.(Mk. 4:23-25 AMP)
a.Choose to listen
b. Determine to understand
~Listening and understanding does not necessarily mean agreeing.
2.Parable of the Sower and the Seed in Matt. 13, Mark 4, Luke 8 – the condition of our heart determines how we hear.
E. Feedback (Rev. 2:1-7)
1. Feedback is loving accountability for the speaker and the hearer. Feedback insures that what we say and mean is heard and understood.
a.The Goal is mutual understanding NOT who wins or who is right!
~What was said?
~What was meant?
~What was heard?
b.(Ps. 133:1-3) commanded blessing comes in unity.
F.Honesty (Col. 3:8-9; Eph. 4:14-15, 24-25 all NLT)
1.Two kinds of lies:
a.Deception – intent to deceive
b.Default –embellish the truth or hide the truth “white lies”
~Pride makes us want to appear to be more to others than we are.
~We don’t want to hurt people.
-Honesty is not a license to hurt or harm.
-“Let me be honest with you…”
~We fear misunderstanding or being falsely judged. Avoid “drama.”
~ Fear of rejection.
-Honesty will cost you something but lying can cost you everything.
2.Solutions
a.Being honest first with yourself and God, then with your spouse and children
b. Reward vs. punish honesty
c.Value the truth
~Honesty does not mean we share everything (Wisdom may call for reservation and process)
d.Seeking God together for solutions and emotional health.
[Pastor Lee Stokes]