7 Foundations of a Healthy Marriage Pt2
Communication
Sunday, August 11, 2019
- 7 Foundations of a Healthy Marriage
A.7 Foundations of a Healthy Marriage
1.Security and trust in marriage are the result of a shared commitment and shared understanding of the marriage relationship.
a.Security is…
~The assurance that my spouse will love and value me for a life time.
~A knowing and constant awareness that whatever problems we face, with God’s help we will overcome.
b.Trust enables a husband and wife to enjoy a relationship characterized by openness and transparency, with NO SECRETS or locked rooms, passwords, accounts that are kept off limits to each other.
2. Communication
B.Communication
1.Make time for uninterrupted communication.
a.Men and women communicate differently because they’re different.
b.Communicate like you did before marriage.
2.Four elements in effective communication.
a.Talking, Listening, Feedback, & Honesty
C.Talking
1.(1 Cor. 13:11 NIV) a primary characteristic of maturity in marriage is the ability to talk through challenges.
a.Talking is expressing or exchanging ideas, thoughts and feelings by means of spoken words.
~(Eph. 4:25-27 NKJV, [29-32 AMP])
~Venting and shouting in anger.
~Verbal abuse/silent treatment
~Verbal counter-punching
b.(Prov. 16:21) Tone, Tenor, Timing & Texture
~Tone – the way it’s said
~Tenor – what is said
~Timing – when it’s said
~Texture – the body language
c.Date night – freedom in casual conversations makes it easier to have crucial conversations.
D.Listening (Jas. 1:19 NIV)
1.(Mk. 4:23-25 AMP)
a.Choose to listen
b.Determine to understand
~Listening and understanding does not necessarily mean agreeing.
2.Parable of the Sower and the Seed in Matt. 13, Mark 4, Luke 8 – condition of our heart determines how we hear.
a.Wayside hearer (Matt. 13:19 AMP)
b.Stony ground hearer – (Mark 4:16-17 AMP)
c.Thorny ground hearer – (Mark 4:18-19 AMP)
d.Good ground hearer – (Luke 8:15 AMP)
E. Feedback (Rev. 2:2-7)
1. Loving accountability for the speaker and the hearer.
a. The Goal is mutual understanding NOT who wins or who is right!
~What was said?
~What was heard?
~What was meant?
b. (Ps. 133:1-3) commanded blessing comes in unity.
F. Honesty (Col. 3:9; Eph. 4:15 NLT)
1. Two kinds of lies:
a. Deception – intent to deceive
b. Default – “white lies”
~We don’t want to hurt people.
-Honesty is not a license to hurt or harm.
-“Let me be honest with you…”
~We fear misunderstanding or being falsely judged. Avoid “drama.”
~Fear of rejection.
-Honesty will cost you something but lying can cost you
2. Solutions
a. Reward vs. punish honest
b. Value the truth
~Honesty does not mean we share everything (Wisdom may call for reservation and process)
c. Seeking God together for solutions and emotional health.
[Pastor Lee Stokes]