Men and Women Communicate Differently

March 9, 2022

A.Women need detailed communication much more than men

  1. A woman needs communication as much as a man needs sex.
  2. The key to a husband getting his needs met is through meeting his wife’s emotional needs.

 B.When we talk, men are usually emotionally modest, but women are emotionally immodest. It’s the opposite of sex where women are modest and men are immodest.

  1. Men like to talk about surface subjects like cars, sports, electronics and jobs.Women talk about relationships and feelings.
  2. Men need a private and honoring atmosphere in order to talk.  He needs to know that his wife will respect his privacy and not repeat what he shares.

 C.We hear through our different needs.

  1. A woman hears through her primary need for security and love.
  • A woman needs to feel secure in her relationship.
  • She needs to hear, “I care and I’m tuned in.  I’ll do whatever it takes. My heart is turned toward you.  I’ll say no to anything else.”
  • When a woman senses that you are disconnected and tuned out, she hearing insecurity because your heart is not with her.

D.A man hears through his primary need for honor and respect.

  • For a man to open up and talk, he has to feel honor and esteem
  • He needs to hear, “I believe in you.  You are a good man.  I love you.  You are the best. I respect you”.
  • When a woman makes a man feel like he’s a bad man or she’s very critical, it jams his communication in signals.  He won’t hear you.

FIVE STANDARDS OF SUCCESSFUL COMMUNICATION

A.Care – You can’t communicate with a person who doesn’t care.

  • You communicate care by:
  1. Body language, countenance, and tone of voice
  2. Being a good listener
  3. Giving a kind and appropriate response.

B.Praise – We have to begin with positive tone.

  1. We enter into each other’s heart with praise

            (Psalm 100:4)

  1. Say negative things in a positive way.  Negativity destroys Marriages.

C.Truth – Honesty is an essential foundation of intimacy and trust

  1. We need mercy and truth. (Proverbs 3:3)
  2. Speak the truth in love. (Ephesians 4:15)

D.Faith – Believe that God is able to enforce the truth in your spouse’s heart.

  • Women can change their husbands without a word
  1. Rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God 1 Peter 3:4, NKJV
  2. A gentle and quiet spirit means that you have faith in God and don’t try to be the enforcer.
  3. Once you speak the truth in love, pray and believe God for the results.

E.Surrender – Decide that your mouth is God’s mouth and is dedicated to serving and glorifying Him. 

 

Here are 5 Communications exercises for couples to do together

Exercise 1. May I have your attention, please? 

So much of what we try to communicate with our spouse is not full registered because we don’t get their full attention when speaking to them.

To Do: What are some ways you can get each other’s attention before you start communicating with your spouse about anything?

Exercise 2. No Yelling.

 When you’re in the thick of things and frustration or anger start to take over, it can be hard to remember to stay calm and keep your words respectful towards your spouse.

To Do: What are some things you can do when you start to feel defensive or have a heated argument?

Exercise 3. A mile in your partner’s shoes.

 Empathetic listening is simply trying to see things through your spouse’s eyes. To look and find their intentions, or how this topic is affecting them.

 To Do: Think about a topic that you disagree on,and ask your spouse why that is so important for them.  Ask them how it makes them feel, or why they feel a certain way about it.

Exercise 4. Confirm understanding.

 Clarification has prevented many miscommunications in our Marriage. We have observed that most of our arguments were based on misconceptions and miscommunications between us.

 To do: What is one way you can implement clarification into your daily conversations with your partner?

Exercise 5. Change your style.

  1. The Analytical communicator is someone who likes hard data and specific language.
  2. The Intuitive communicator likes to look at the big picture, skip over the details, and cut straight to the chase.
  3. The Functional communicator likes process, finer details, and plans that are well thought out.
  4. The Personal communicator, as someone who values emotional language  and connection.

To Do: Write down what your communication styles are, and discuss how your communication styles are different

 

Email my notes